May 2009


Did you ever hear of a kid playing accountant…even if he wanted to be one?”

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Two accountants are in a bank, when armed robbers burst in. While several of the robbers take the money from the tellers, others line the customers, including the accountants, up against a wall, and proceed to take their wallets, watches, etc. While this is going on accountant number one jams something in accountant number two’s hand. Without looking down, accountant number two whispers, “What is this?” to which accountant number one replies, “it’s that $50 I owe you.”

This nerdy little accountant appears at St. Peter’s gate. St Peter starts asking him all the usual questions required to get into heaven. The accountant, it seems, has repeatedly helped people cheat on their taxes and embezzle funds. Finally, in exasperation, St Peter asks: Well, have you ever done anything good, anything totally unselfish and altruistic in your entire life? Well says the accountant, “Once I saw this pretty lady being beaten up and about to be raped by a bunch of bikers. So I yelled “Hey jerks, why don’t you pick on somebody your own size” and I then kicked all their hogs over, all six of em, and took off running. They forgot about her for a second and she managed to run also. St Peter asks, “I’m looking through the book of your life, and I don’t see this incident recorded. When did it occur?” The accountant replies “About five minutes ago”.

Q:  What’s the most wicked thing a group of young accountants can do?

A:  Go into town and gang-audit someone.

Wife to husband as they watch their young son playing: “He’s such a sensitive child. Let’s wait until he’s older before we tell him you re an accountant.”

What does an accountant say when you ask him the time? It’s 9.18 am and 12 seconds; no wait – 13 seconds, no wait – 14 seconds, no wait……