June 2009


10. You lecture the neighborhood kids selling lemonade on ways to improve their processes.
9. You get all excited it’s Saturday so you can wear casual clothes to work.
8. You refer to the tomatoes in your garden as deliverables.
7. You find you really need PowerPoint to explain what you do for living.
6. You normally eat out of vending machines and at the most expensive restaurant in town within the same week.
5. You wear gray to work instead of navy blue to make a bold fashion statement.
4. You know the people at the airport and hotel better than your next door neighbors.
3. Ask your friends to “think out of box” when making Friday night plans. 
2. You think Einstein would have been more effective had he put his ideas into a matrix.
1. You think a “half-day” means leaving at 5 o’clock.

prison

chambers-accountant

Tony died and was sent to be judged. He was told that he had cheated on his income taxes, and that the only way he could get into heaven would be to sleep with a stupid, butt-ugly woman for the next five years and enjoy it. Tony decided that this was a small price to pay for an eternity in heaven. So off he went with this woman, pretending to be happy.

As he was walking along, he saw his friend Carlos up ahead. Carlos was with an even uglier woman than he was with. When he approached Carlos he asked him what was going on, and Carlos replied “I cheated on my income taxes and scammed the government out of a lot of money.” They both shook their heads in understanding and figured that as long as they have to be with these women, they might as well hang out together to help pass the time.

Now Tony, Carlos, and their two beastly women were walking along, minding their own business when Tony and Carlos saw their friend Jon up ahead, with an absolutely drop dead gorgeous supermodel. Stunned, Tony and Carlos asked Jon how is he with this unbelievable goddess, while they were stuck with these awful women. Jon replied “I have no idea, and I’m definitely not complaining. This has been absolutely the best time of my life. There is only one thing that I can’t seem to understand. After everytime we have sex, she rolls over and murmurs to herself, ‘Damn income taxes!'”

How many auditors does it take to find a Php1.00 mistake in an expense report?
Three. One to find the mistake and two to discuss the significance of it.

Thought you guys might appreciate this one :

A final year accounting student sees his buddy ride past on a new bicycle. So he stops his friend and quizzes him about the origin of the bike.”The funniest thing happened the other day”, the friend begins, “this first year student is pushing her bike past me, when suddenly she stops, takes off all her clothes and tells me to take what I want!!!!” To which the first student replies, “Good choice, the clothes wouldn’t have fitted anyway!!”.

OMG!

Here are the top 10 responses.

  1. To open a consulting practice.
  2. What else does an accountant do for fun?
  3. To count the chickens.
  4. Because the lawyers were on the first side.
  5. It was April 15th and the bar was on the other side.
  6. So he could charge the client for travel expenses.
  7. The client told him to.
  8. Because that’s what was done in the prior year.
  9. To bore the people on the other side.
  10. Because he just broke GAAS on the first side.

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