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Heard at an accounting support group: “It seemed so harmless. I started making journal entries..then, secretly at home, I would post the entries to T accounts, and then I started recording them in ledgers. It just felt so good, and then I started doing financial statements and I couldn’t stop…”

 

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A job interview is in progress, a bright and experienced accountant is interviewing for a position of a CFO. He is being interviewed by the members of board of directors and a CEO. During the interview the CEO suddenly asks:

“Tell me, what is seven multiplied by three?”

The accountant thinks fast and tells “22.”

Once the interview is over the accountant goes out, takes out the calculator and finds the answer – 21, disappointed, he goes home. Next morning he gets a call from the CEO, “Hey, you got a job.”

The accountant is pleasantly surprised. He cannot but ask, “Thank you very much for the job but what about seven multiplied by three?” The CEO tells him – “of all the candidates we interviewed, you came the closest.”

There was an expert accountant who was well versed in the game theory. He once hears that his intelligent niece, who is five years old, always takes a nickel, when a choice between a nickel and a dime is offered. He explains to his niece “You must understand, dime is twice as valuable as a nickel, so always choose a dime.” The niece tells “Uncle, but then people will not offer me any money.”

An accountant dies and goes to Heaven. He reaches the pearly gates and is amazed to see a happy crowd all waving banners and chanting his name.

After a few minutes St. Peter comes running across and says, “I’m sorry I wasn’t here to greet you personally. God is looking forward to meeting such a remarkable man as yourself.”

The accountant is perplexed. “I’ve tried to lead a good life, but I am overwhelmed by your welcome,” he tells St. Peter.

“It’s the least we can do for someone as special as you are. Imagine, living to the age of 123 and still looking so young,” says St. Peter.

The man looks even more dumbfounded and replies, “123 years old? I don’t know what you mean. I’m only 40.”

St. Peter replies, “But that can’t be right – we’ve seen your time sheets!

 

Three accountants were in the urinal performing their morning constitutional.  The first finishes and walks over to the sink to wash his hands.  He then proceeds to dry his hands carefully.  He uses paper towel after paper towel and ensures that every single spot of water on his hands is dried.   Turning to other two accountants, he says – “Chartered Accountants are trained to be extremely thorough.”
The second finishes his task at the urinal and he proceeds to wash his hands.  He uses a single paper and makes sure that he dries every drop of water from his hands using every available portion of the paper towel.  He turns and says – “Certified Accountants are not only trained be extremely thorough but also trained to be extremely efficient.”
The third accountant finishes and walks straight for the door.  “Management Accountants learn not to piss on their hands.”