Three engineers and three accountants are travelling by train to a conference. At the station, the three engineers each buy tickets and watch as the three accountants buy only a single ticket. “How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?” asks an engineer. “Watch and you’ll see,” answers an accountant.

They all board the train. The engineers take their respective seats but all Three accountants cram into a restroom and close the door behind them. Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets.

He knocks on the restroom door and says, “Ticket, please.” The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.

The engineers saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So after the conference, the engineers decide to copy the accountants on the return trip and save some money!

When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the accountants buy no tickets at all.

“How are you going to travel without a ticket?” says one perplexed engineer. “Watch and you’ll see,” answers an accountant.

When they board the train the three engineers cram into a restroom and the three accountants cram into another one nearby. The train departs. Shortly afterward, one of the accountants leaves his restroom and walks over to the restroom where the accountants are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, “ticket please.”

An Attorney and an Tax Accountant are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The Attorney leans over to the Tax Accountant and asks if he would like to play a fun game. The Tax Accountant just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The Attorney persists and explains that the game is really easy and a lot of fun. He explains ‘I ask you a question , and if you don’t know the answer, you pay me $5.’ Again, the Tax Accountant politely declines and tries to get some sleep. The Attorney, now somewhat agitated, says ‘OK, if you don’t know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don’t know the answer, I will pay you $50!’This catches the Tax Accountant’s complete attention, and he sees no end to this torment unless he plays, so he agrees to the game.

The Attorney asks the first question. ‘What’s the distance from the earth to the moon?’ The Tax Accountant doesn’t say a word, reaches in to his wallet, pull out a five-dollar bill and hands it to the Attorney. Now, it’s the Tax Accountant’s turn. He asks the Attorney: ‘What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?’ The Attorney looks at him with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references. He taps into the Airphone with his modem and searches the Net and the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends E-mails to all his co-workers and friends he knows. All to no avail.

After over an hour, he wakes the Tax Accountant and hands him $50. The Tax Accountant politely takes the $50 and turns away to get back to sleep. The Attorney, more that a little miffed, shakes the Tax Accountant and asks, ‘Well, so what IS the answer?’ Without a word, the Tax Accountant reaches into his wallet, hands the Attorney $5 and goes back to sleep.

A man lands on a hot air balloon in the middle of the desert, not knowing his whereabouts he looks around. Along walks another guy so the balloon man asks “Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?” “Sure” says the other one “longitude 23’45”, latitude 34’12”. “Oh,” says the balloon man, “you must be accountant” “As a matter of fact, I am, how did you know?” “Well, you just gave me a very precise piece of worthless information.” ” I see” says the accountant “and you must be a consultant.” “You are right, how did you know?” “As long as you’re up in the air, you seem to know where you’re going, but as soon as you get down to earth, you’re lost.”

While waiting to board a plane in a small airport, a ticket agent said on the paging system: “Would the accountant who dropped his pants please return to the ticket counter.”  After a slight pause, the same voice added, “The pants were on a hanger!”