Three Wishes Gone

Three partners in an accounting firm go out to lunch. They are the audit partner, the tax partner and the senior partner. One of them sees a brass lamp lying in the gutter. Curious, they pick it up and give it a rub. Instantly, a genie appears.”You know the deal,” says the genie. “Three wishes. But seeing there are three of you, you can have one wish each.””Great,” says the audit partner. “Take me to the Whitsunday Islands, give me a blonde and an endless supply of wine and leave me there for ever.”Pouf! There is a flash of light, a puff of smoke and he is gone.”Now me,” says the tax partner. “Take me to the Cook Islands, give me two blondes and an endless supply of offshore tax schemes and leave me there for ever.”Pouf! There is a flash of light, a puff of smoke and he is gone.The genie turns to the senior partner. “And what do you want?””I want those two ba ck in the office straight after lunch.”

 

Ten Signs You Work in an Audit Firm

10. You lecture the neighborhood kids selling lemonade on ways to improve their processes.
9. You get all excited it’s Saturday so you can wear casual clothes to work.
8. You refer to the tomatoes in your garden as deliverables.
7. You find you really need PowerPoint to explain what you do for living.
6. You normally eat out of vending machines and at the most expensive restaurant in town within the same week.
5. You wear gray to work instead of navy blue to make a bold fashion statement.
4. You know the people at the airport and hotel better than your next door neighbors.
3. Ask your friends to “think out of box” when making Friday night plans. 
2. You think Einstein would have been more effective had he put his ideas into a matrix.
1. You think a “half-day” means leaving at 5 o’clock.

 

Generally Accepted Accounting Principles

 

Why did the accountant cross the road?

Here are the top 10 responses.

1. To open a consulting practice.
2. What else does an accountant do for fun?
3. To count the chickens.
4. Because the lawyers were on the first side.
5. It was April 15th and the bar was on the other side.
6. So he could charge the client for travel expenses.
7. The client told him to.
8. Because that’s what was done in the prior year.
9. To bore the people on the other side.
10. Because he just broke GAAS on the first side.

 

Ethics

A partner is discussing ethics policy with the staff accountant.  He says “We take ethics very seriously around here.  Remember, we are professionals not businessmen.”  The young staff accountant is impressed.   The partner elaborates “Yesterday I received a check from a client.  It paid $5,000 more than our bill.  Immediately an ethical question arose, shall I tell it to other partners?”